I hate that i always give you my all. I hate that i pay attention to you. I hate that everything reminds me of you. I hate that i have the urge to tell you what happened.
But i dont hate you.
I dont and will never do because i love you. Its hard because you’re not always there and its hard because we barely have time to talk and its always me whose trying. Sometimes i wonder who you really are and if you are still the one i fell in love with years ago. Some days you seem like that person i loved and some days you are a stranger. Did you give up? Did we both? Is our love dying? Was it even meant to be?
So this is my response:
Many things make me feel good. I like feelings that make my heart flutter, feel butterflies in my stomach and adrenaline. Books make me feel good. It’s like dreaming with my eyes open. I just dive into another world and imagine their world and how it would feel like to be a character in that book. Just the feeling of reading and discovering fascinates me. I love being able to be fascinated by these things. Music. It determines my emotions for the day and if i want to flip a bad day to a good day i just start listening to songs. You may have discovered by now that i really enjoy being taken to another world which sums up why i love traveling! I never get annoyed in the airport or in the plane. I’d love to stay in a plane for a long time because i love the fact that im so many kms away from where i once stood. Its simply amazing. Many other things make me feel good! Like staying with my friends, going out, trying out things for the first time, having a completely different experience and doing daring and adventurous activities. Our world is beautiful and there are so many things to be thankful for and just the thought of that makes me feel good. Have a lovely day and remember: you’re all beautiful.
Star shine out
I dreamt of a boy…
He was sitting at the far corner of a room i couldnt recognize. He had his arms folded on the armrest and his head lay on his arms staring at mere nothingness…
I approached him and saw sadness in his eyes. He saw me and his lips started to tremble… I told him i would protect him and he jumped right into my arms and cried….
‘Thank you’ he whispered…’thank you’. He held me tightly and i did too. He then looked into my eyes and smiled. ‘Where are you?’ He asked. I woke up before i could answer him.
When i woke up i felt tear stains on my face. Yes, i cried during my sleep. I dont know why but i was determined to find this boy. I feel like i have to protect someone. I felt the need to answer him.
Its been a week now and im still thinking about the boy in my dream. I cannot remember his face vividly but i know that i have never met him.
Where are you?
Im right here. Waiting.
So ive been writing a lot, and mostly negative things because i dont know how to express joy! Its sooo hard! So here’s a little thing:
I am mad at everyone.
But, im furious with myself.
For believing easily, for expecting too much, But especially for trusting. Deep inside, i knew it would take a miracle for that dream to happen yet i still kept my hopes up till the sky. I should have known that what goes up must come down. Now im left with nothing and shattered. Even my strong positive self was cracked but can simply be fixed but i cant find anything that can put me, myself and i together. I think i’ve been cursed, cursed for eternity. Im lost and i cant find myself anymore. Im weak and tired and i think im close to giving up, and i hate myself for that.
Thank you for reading!
Star shine out
We all have our own obstacles to face. Those are challenging, and some can just be walked over with no pain. But people can’t be walked over, but we try! Some people are just not worth it! you try your best to please them and stay on good terms with them but its just too much effort and its driving you insane and too much unneeded stress! Just let go of them. Why should you be miserable and try to make them happy when you’re getting exhausted by doing so? But if its your parents, that is another story. You feel happy making them pleased but other than family, friends play an important role in our lives. They actually do, no matter what you try to say to convince your brain otherwise thats all untrue! its hard to find an honest friend these days and ESPECIALLY a friend that would understand what you are dealing with and why you acted the way you did with him/her on that specific day and because of whatever reason, they still understand.
^ Applications for a friend like that can be send through my kik! Thank you! — Haha, Kidding!
Let go of your burdens and live freely!
I feel like my blog is all about different kinds of annoying people and how to deal with them and how to live happy hahaha
Anyway, i truly hope for your happiness in life~
Star shine out
They say once you graduate you step into the world of adulthood. You mature and become a role model to those younger than you. From my experience, most of who i witnessed graduating where taking their first step into their old young childish steps and causing problems for all those they love. I was always told by them to be wise and mature because I’m supposed to be an adult soon (in 2 years) and always stay positive and i thankfully am, but they surprised me when they turned negative and pushed everyone away. I can say that i have changed into a better person. I am trying to invite the bad people out of my life and become better without their help. I do not really care about gossip or about how people think of me but the so called “adults” care too much about these things. it just frustrates me so much!
I have this notebook called “In my humble opinion”. Basically, there is a quote on the left side of each page and on the right side there is a space for you to write your opinion on that quote. These quotes are about annoying people who live in our world and as many of my family members know, i complain about annoying people too much and i started to complain less after i started using this journal. it actually really helps! and lucky me i have both this journal and my blog to complain /wide smile/
Advice? Just worry about yourself and don’t be selfish and never assume the worst in any situation.
Let’s just pause whatvever we are doing and talk about The Fault In Our Stars. If you didn’t cry your heart out in front of everyone in the cinema then I don’t consider you human. HOW CAN SOMEONE POSSIBLY CREATE A MOVIE THAT IS SO xinfinity TOUCHING?! It is not possible. But I thank you, Josh Boone for creating such a movie and a huge thank you to John Green and May your soul rest in peace, Esther Grace Earl and Augustus Waters, my love.
I read the book about two years ago, you do NOT want to know what happened to me in the midst of the book, (yes, Augustus’s death) till the week after reading the book but im going to tell you anyways because this is my blog and I get to write what I want (kidding! But seriously). I don’t think I read any word of the book clearly because of the Niagara falls I found running down my face. I grew so attached to Gus and Hazel Grace and was hoping I’d find my own Mr.Waters /broken heart/. I literally hid under my blanket for a whole week just crying and trying to get a cure for cancer and invent something. I won’t allow anyone to ever feel the pain that i felt and especially Hazel and all those that suffer from cancer and also other terrible diseases. I swear on my life that i will try to help each and every one of you. I will fight for you. I am going to be a very rich woman and donate all my money and also go myself to the hospitals and meet other doctors and i don’t know really become a doctor? This book has affected me in many ways and also motivated me to HELP. I am a very healthy person but have my ups and downs physically but i am doing well as a living human. So, i need to do something.
John Green. I thank you from the deepest part of my heart for making me believe in myself to go help find a cure because I’m a miracle worker (Ha!). I’m going to TRY to find a way, i can’t prove that i can do it but still! i can at least try :D
One drunken man once told me (he never told me anything but i heard him and read): “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities”